Wednesday, September 13, 2006

OCI fall fashions

Every year during OCIs I have to suffer through yet another cadre of guys who are apparently dressing in "business attire" for the first time and don't fully know what the phrase means. So I'm going to help you all out. First of all, guys, when you go to an interview, your pants, your shoes, your socks, they should all be the SAME COLOR. I don't want to see brown shoes with black pants, and I don't want to see navy socks with khaki pants and brown shoes. ALL. THE. SAME. COLOR.

"I Want To Work At Dorsey Because I Had a Traumatic Experience With Sleep When I Was Younger" writes: "What if I don't have a pair of shoes that match my pants?" That's a good question. The "experts" (...) differ as to what you should do in those situations. Some say you should match your socks with your pants so as to make your legs look longer. Personally I already look lanky enough, but you shouldn't have asked me that question anyway because WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING wearing some funky colored suit to a law firm interview? Navy or black; navy or black. Nobody likes your plaid gray suit, and though it does appropriately reek of the "I'm a douchebag" attitude that firms like Dorsey are probably looking for, on your first try it's probably better to go conventional.

Today I saw a student who featured a delightful tan ensemble. Tan suit. Tan shirt. Tan tie. Why would you do this? Are you trying to stand out, be a unique snowflake? You think the interviewer won't remember you, so you'll make a splash by dressing like lawyer-on-safari? Don't do this. Be a unique snowflake by exercising your personality. Again, though, it's probable personalities are frowned upon at the likes of Dorsey. Maybe recite your title of choice from the US code instead.

Point #2: Do not, do not, DO NOT wear funky-colored shirts. I agree with Anonymouse Lawyer: shirts come in two colors. White. And blue. I don't care what your J Crew catalogue tells you. There is no other dress shirt color. Those other color tabs are a ruse. A trap. They're designed to separate the men from the boys, and to take your money while doing it. Don't fall for it. Lavender doesn't exist, and lime green is a myth perpetuated by the liberal left to save the sky. White. And blue. If you get really bored you can combine the best of both worlds with white-and-blue stripes, but I don't recommend it. White. And blue. If you wanted to dress like you had personality, you should have worked in a GAP commercial.


Anonymous The Dazzleman said...

Been a while, and I'm going to keep this nice, but listening to you lament the "another cadre" is pretty funny. You've been here three years, you've seen this phenomenon three times. Couldn't find anything else to complain about? No social justice was being done today that you felt compelled to make a stand against?

8:08 PM  

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