Thursday, September 07, 2006

Only the penitent man shall rant

The past month wasn't a fluke. I suppose I should say I'd grown sick of blogging generally and my blog in particular, but the truth is I'd actually grown sick of my blog generally and other peoples' blogs in particular. And I'd decided to let my blog go the way of the Dodo, or maybe the way of justice in our legal system (which is in the same direction as the Dodo, in case you found my metaphor klutzy and weren't sure what I was driving at). But I checked the ole webcounter the other day and I see that some of you just check this stupid thing SO DAMN FAITHFULLY, so this Bud's for you.

What's with crazy religious people on public campuses (campi?)? It's like I can't walk across the East Bank campus - and I'm being serious here, not on some anti-religion ranting rampage - I can't walk across the East Bank campus without being handed a free mini-Bible* or being accosted by someone who asks me, "Would you like to discuss our Lord Jesus Christ?" No I would not. In fact, what particular quality am I currently exuding that makes you think I have any interest in discussing our Lord Jesus Christ? Is it something I'm doing? Whatever it is, please let me know so I can stop doing it right now. I thought the eternal scowl I wield whenever traversing from Point A to Point B would have made my stance on random discussions clear, but apparently I was wrong. Is it the glasses? Do the glasses make you think that I'm the kind of person who enjoys intellectual discourse, in whatever shapes and sizes I can get it in? Glasses can be deceiving.

* Interestingly, I also can't walk across the East Bank campus without being accosted by a giant soda cup who offers me a coupon for $2 off at Quiznos. So, apparently, the Word of God = a cheap hoagie.

Like today, there was a young black man dressed and pressed in his Sunday best, and I didn't really pay attention to what he was saying, but he was standing next to a sign that read, "The Bible says: Christ is your only savior, all other religions are false." The Bible says, the Bible says. Really, when are people going to stop this nonsense? The Lord of the Rings says that on his eleventy-first birthday Bilbo Baggins had a party of special magnificence, but I don't really think it's true.

I also don't understand why people gather round trying to engage these guys in some sort of point-counterpoint discussion. What is it about a person who spends his days standing around and sporting signage to the effect that anyone who doesn't immediately and unequivocally convert to his way of thinking is doomed to eternal damnation...what is about this situation that makes you think rational debate will win the day?

And it's not just at UMinn. I was in East Lansing a couple weeks ago, and I guess I shouldn't be surprised, since it's been pretty-well documented that Michigan State is an inferior institution in just about every way imaginable, but once again, there was a young black man, ranting about the Bible and wearing a t-shirt that said "All Homos Go To Hell" and "No Homos Go To Heaven." I suppose I could have been humored by the irony, since folks were saying similar things about his ilk in not-too-distant memory, but I was more perplexed by a troubling paradox. You see....

IF all homos go to Hell
AND all dogs go to Heaven
WHERE do gay dogs go?

Makes you think.


Anonymous Mike is a 2L now! said...

Christ our savior almighty and I was thinking I might have to make it through second year with NO law revue!! You were freaking me out there. I almost went to lawyers concerned for lawyers...

I think it's a sign of desperation that Quizno's has the guy--you don't see a giant Chipotle burrito walking around, and why? Chipotle has figured food out. There's nothing more to do but go to law school and eat at Chipotle. That's all. Chipotle and google--you can't mess with either. They should join forces and somehow lure Iran into searching "fissile material" while half comatose from a barbacoa burrito and then we'll snatch all their weapons plans.

2:43 AM  

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