Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Midterm Girl's been living in her midterm world

I just took a midterm. I haven't taken a midterm in, what, 3 years, and it was something of a surreal experience. Closed book. No laptops. An hour to finish. What the fuck is this? It didn't help that a girl sits next to me. I made it about five minutes into a winning essay on the constitutional limitations of In re Kobe Bryant before thinking, "Man she smells pretty good." I felt like Danny Kaffee in A Few Good Men: "Don't wear that perfume in court, it breaks my concentration." This isn't a problem I tpyically have with law school girls. Maybe it's because they don't smell good, or maybe it's because they make you all sit five feet away from each other during exams. If law school girls really wanted to be cutthroat, they'd wear some Ralph Lauren Safari to finals. Yes, I know that's a men's fragrance. It'd confuse the shit out of us.

I sort of understand now why some people think coeducation can distract the men-folk from their studies. In co-eds' defense, I'm going to be distracted from my studies whether there are girls in the classroom or not, so you might as well put some fucking girls in the classroom.* Like on this midterm. There were four questions, and I made it through one before my brain sort of lost interest and started singing Everclear songs and surreptiously smelling girls.

* Or better yet, put some girls fucking in the classroom.

On the way back I got accosted on the Mississippi bridge. Why is it I can't walk across the East Bank campus without being accosted? Today it was by HRC, a gay rights' group, so I didn't mind. It's a cause I believe in. But sometimes I think I don't believe in anything. This guy had me at, "We're a gay advocacy group," but then I started finding myself sort of disagreeing with him. "As you probably know, this summer the Religious Right.." Stop right there, mi compadre. The Religious Right? It doesn't seem like you're trying too hard to rationally bring me over to your point of view. Maybe he was just describing them, since they are religious and on the right, but where I come from the term "Religious Right" is fightin' words. Sort of like when you're stuck behind a car in traffic, and you finally get a good look at the driver, and you growl, "Of course, it's just a stupid Asian." Whoa, that's racist. Is it? I'm just saying they're Asian, which they are. In fact, by saying "stupid Asian" I'm actually complimentating the Asian people as a whole, since I'm suggesting that Asians are not inherently stupid and need the appropriate adjective when the situation calls for it.

Anyway, back to the gay rights kid. He started going on about the gay marriage amendment and how it would be the first time our constitution was amended to categorically limit the rights of a group of people... I started wondering, Is that true? Let's see, well, the 18th limited people's ability to get shitfaced**, but it was a law of general applicability, but it does sort of unfairly discriminate against alcoholics...anyway, I see his point, a gay marriage amendment is just an attempt to legislate the last acceptable form of discrimination...except for fat people, we still sort of discriminate against them, but they deserve it, they take up too much space in Coach, and besides being fat isn't genetic like homosexuality, it's something you can change, well not entirely, and besides some people think homosexuality isn't genetic... Law school's made me a fucking nihilist. I believe in nozhing, Lebowski.

** Alcohol, being necessary to the sanity of a free State, the right of the people to get Shitfaced, shall not be infringed...

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