Thursday, October 12, 2006

Myspace, yourspace, onespace, twospace

I joined myspace this week, ostensibly because various parties beseeched me to but in reality because I like to sexually prey on 16-year-old boys and don't have access to the Congressional page program. Hence my screenname, The Ginger Bread Man. Do you want a cookie to eat, little boy?

Myspace has a feature called the "Top 8," in which you essentially rank your friends by how much you like them. If they're one of your better friends, they get put in the Top 8; otherwise they get relegated to the "View All of the Spermanator's Friends" page with all the other superficial friends you don't really want to talk to. This is serious, people. Not being in someone's Top 8 can destroy friendships. You may think you're good friends with someone, until you check out their Top 8 and discover K-Fed is listed there and you're not. What a horrible system. Myspace may create the illusion that you have lots of Internet friends, but apparently it can come at the expense of your real ones.

This is why I don't want to have a Best Man at my wedding. I can think of at least three people who are all equal contenders to be my Best Man. How can I pick just one? How can I say to my other friends, "This guy's friendship has meant more to me than yours has"? How can I rank my friends like that?

The only good thing about myspace is it can make you feel like you're connecting with people you obviously aren't. I discovered Christine Lakin of Step-by-Step fame has a myspace page*, and she'll add you as her myspace friend! Christine Lakin! If Penny was my first crush, Al Lambert was my first celebrity crush, and now I can add her as my myspace friend! I'm not going to, because that would be...what's the word?...creepy, but I can see that there are lots of guys who aren't held back by such reservations. What an age etc etc.

* How did I discover she had a myspace page? Was I stalking her? Well, I wasn't not stalking her.


Anonymous Mike said...

Friendships that can be broken by the myspace top 8 feature did not deserve to last...

3:31 AM  

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