Saturday, September 08, 2007

Mike Hart is better than your kids

I'm reading a blurb in the Ann Arbor News about what a wonderful guy Mike Hart is. Mike Hart can outrun the Flash. Mike Hart cured cancer. Mike Hart freed the slaves. Mike Hart blah blah blah. No, it doesn't say any of that. Here's what it actually says:

The best runner in the Big Ten, the toughest competitor Michigan running backs coach Fred Jackson has seen in nearly 30 years of coaching, didn't come back for this.

His family could have used the NFL money, sparing his mom the 4 1/2-hour drive to Connecticut every off-season weekend to work 32 hours over two days earning extra cash to see her son play.

The kid who nearly aced high school, who plows through non-fiction books for fun, who picked up the intricacies of Michigan's offense quickly enough to start as a true freshman, would have gotten his college degree soon enough regardless.

Golly gee whiz, that Mike Hart sure is an amazing human being. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Mike Hart's a nice guy, and he really is the best fucking running back I've ever fucking seen, but must we really bury our heads so completely up his ass? Must we so thoroughly brown-nose this black man? He reads (nay, plows!) through non-fiction books? For fun?!? Now I've heard everything. When left to his own devices he does seem a little more intent on talking up his Xbox skills, which sort of makes me question his true level of intellectual acumen.

But in the end it's neither here nor there. How about just this: Mike Hart plays football for the Michigan Wolverines, and he's really fucking good. That's the story. We don't need to build him up into more than he actually is. He's amazing enough on his own.

EDIT: Here's one thing Mike Hart CAN'T do: beat the fucking Oregon Ducks.

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