Because that's the way mothers are
I’m just gonna say one last thing on this whole love thing. Let me explain where I’m coming from. The paragon, the epitome, the quintessential example from my life of someone who has truly LOVED is my mother. Sure, everyone’s mother loves them, unless you’re Sean Preston or that other kid (Jayden something?). But the older I get the more I understand the full extent to which my mother really loves me and what she gave up, what she sacrificed, as a result of it. First and foremost, both my parents—both before and after they got married—moved and took a shitty job (or jobs) they hated when the other person got a really great professional opportunity in a new city.
But my mom didn’t just take a crap job so my pa could make more dough. The older I get and the better I understand both the kind of person my mother was before she got married and the kind of person she’s become at 40, 50, 60, etc. the more I appreciate just how much my mother gave up for my father and me. She didn’t just give up her job. She gave up her identity and her principles. She essentially gave up her dream. The details don’t matter, but my mom in her 20s and 30s had a vision of what she wanted to be and become, and she actually gave up a lot at the time to realize that vision. She turned her back on what a lot of people would consider the perfect lifestyle so she could live her vision. But in the end, she chose to give up the vision, too…for my father, and eventually for me. Because she loved us. And it wasn’t compromise. It was sacrifice.*
* Although I would argue compromise is really just a lesser form of sacrifice.
Applying this to our current discussion…You are actually reminding me a little bit of The Office when Dawn has to explain why her relationship with Lee basically isn’t any good. I think she actually says, “Love doesn’t pay the bills.” I’m not equating your LDRs with that demo of a train-wrecked relationship of momentum. When I said people in LDRs don’t love each other, I didn’t mean they didn’t love each other; I believe you care about each other, etc, just as I did with my girlfriend. But I don’t think people in LDRs TRULY love one another. I hate to sound like the atheist I am, but when people talk about how much they love each other, I need proof. And I only see some of it. That’s great that you’ve chosen not to sleep with people who live closer to you because of your emotional connection to this other person. But personally, I think you’re only halfway there.
Both of you seem to be saying you aren’t willing to give up your dreams for your lovers. Is that really love? Kelsey, I obviously don’t really know you that well, so all I have to go on is your comments on your blog. And maybe I’m recollecting incorrectly or misunderstood at the time, but it seemed to me like your decision to get a Master’s wasn’t so much a lifelong dream you had as the fact that you didn’t really know what else you wanted to do with your life. As for Director Muthuswami, I understand why you have this dream and I respect you for trying to live it. But – and this judgment will probably bother you – let’s call a spade a spade here. You say, “I need to get the experience out here so I can take my expertise to any city I want to in order to be with a far away LDR.” That’s only partly the case. It’s only the case if you put your dream before your LDR. You’re basically saying you’re not willing to give up your dream for this girl right now. Which is fine. But if you were willing to walk away from it for her, I would think, “Wow. That’s true love. There is nothing he wouldn’t do for her. This guy, he gave up the most important thing in the world to him because SHE was actually the most important thing in the world to him.”
That’s all I’m gonna say about it. If you want to comment and tell me why I’m wrong and full of shit and will never truly be loved with such a hair-brained conception of the emotion, feel free.