Monday, October 01, 2007

The boys are back in town

So I'm back in Minneapolis. That's nice. I came home to a bunch of dead cockroaches, which wasn't quite so nice. Little corpses scattered all over my kitchen countertop? Yes, please! I guess it's better than the alternative. The only good cockroach is a dead cockroach.

The best part of being home was when my mother cleaned out my parents' liquor cabinet and gave me half their supply of hard liquor. They never drink hard liquor, you see. All's the more for me. I got a little offended when my mom turned to me and said, "I just realized I'm giving you all this liquor. You ARE going to drink responsibly, right?" What the hell kind of question is that? No, Mom. I'm going to drink ALL THIS [waves arms for emphasis] in one night by myself and then drive around the Minneapolis interstates with my head sticking out the window. Please. I am a connoisseur of fine liquors. Which is why I will be mixing pretty much all of them with Coke Zero. Five...Four...Three...Two...One. Zero.

I had an interesting idea while driving home. I thought it might be interesting to try to bribe a toll booth attendant. "Oh really, Miss? Are you sure I have to pay the toll? What about my friend BEN FRANKLIN here?" This is what I think about when I'm forced to spend 10 hours by myself.


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