A friend and I were debating whether the phrase “Since the seconds I laid eyes on you I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you” is a good one to use when you propose. My friend’s an idiot, because of course it isn’t. It doesn’t even make sense. Let’s accept the premise. Let’s say the moment you saw Girl A you knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her. This means the only reason you didn’t ask her to marry you AT THAT MOMENT was because you were afraid she’d say no. Was that the real reason though? Of course not. It was because you barely knew her. Who marries someone they barely know? People who use mail-order brides, that’s who. And Indian people. Look at how life’s turned out for them. They’ve got hundreds of gods. They’re not efficient like we Western religions are.
It’s like “love at first sight.” Obviously there’s no such thing. I believe in "infatuation at first sight, which turns into love." But real, ACTUAL love? I do not think so. You obviously can’t actually love someone the first time you see them. If you met your “true love” on the street and she informed you, “Nice to meet you, but tomorrow I’m moving to Los Angeles!” would you get on a plane and move there, too? Of course you wouldn’t. You’d be crazy if you did. Because you don’t love her. You just met the girl. If you’re really head-over-heels you might send her a nicely-worded email. Isn’t that sweet? Get a little long-distance thing going.
Of course, that’s another myth. The long-distance relationship. I salute people in long-distance relationships. I salute their efforts to stay true to each other over long distances and wide spaces. It’s to your credit. It’s a feather in your cap. But nobody in a long-distance relationship really LOVES their S.O. You could wake up every morning next to the person who completes you…but instead you move to Omaha because you got a better job there? GOB Bluth says: come on! If you truly loved them, you’d rearrange your life to be with them. You’d put your money where your sweet nothings whispered in each other’s ears were.* You’d make a sacrifice. That’s what love is. St. Therese de Lisieux says: “True love grows by sacrifice”…although I imagine she said it in French.
* Which I guess means you’d put your money in your ear.