Spartans, tomorrow we dine in hell!
Tomorrow is Michigan v. Michigan State. Normally this is the part of the conversation where I'd start taking smack about MSU and how their players might enjoy their Saturday better if they all lined up and licked my balls instead, because they're gonna get killed... Or some other such nonsense. However, I don't really feel like doing that. True, I'll be surprised if Michigan loses tomorrow. But after their dismal couple first games this season, it's too difficult to take yourself seriously as a Michigan fan whilst speaking in a smack-like fashion.
I wish I was more pumped for tomorrow's game. Basically, I think I need new friends, because none of my friends since high school have cared particularly about sports. You know how they say it's good to be surrounded by smart people because their smartness aids your own intellectual development? It's the same for sports. Being the only person in this zip code who gives a rodent's hairy posterior about the Rose Bowl or March Madness makes it difficult to get yourself real excited. Here are some examples of how lame my friends are:
Liz: Last year Liz was rooting for Georgetown in the Final Four. Was it because she liked watching the seven-foot powerhouse that is (was?) Roy Hibbert? Was it because she liked watching a young Patrick Ewing Jr? Don't be silly. It was because her brother would be going to med school there, silly!
James: Hello, my name is James. In college I always complained about how so many gay people conform to the stereotype that the queers love working out but hate sports. But I liked to talk about how I broke that mold by watching football. So what did I do during last year's Rose Bowl? Did I watch the Ugly Betty marathon* instead? Yeah, you know it.
* I hear they're making an Ugly Betty movie. They're calling it The Devil Wears Prada. Zing.