Thursday, November 29, 2007

You only think as fast as you drive

The notion of speed limits sort of cracks me up, and I'm gonna tell you why. They're predicated on the notion that fast drivers cause accidents. That notion is probably partially correct, but it also ignores the extent to which slow drivers are a HUGE catalyst for car accidents. Let's look at some reasons why:

1. The slower you drive, the more cars there are, the more traffic there is, and the law of numbers comes into play.

2. Slow drivers are a major cause of road rage, which is probably right behind drunk teenagers as a major cause of accidents (although sometimes I feel like I'm getting drunk off the rage*). I know what you're thinking: take some responsibility, no one can MAKE you get angry. Thanks, 4th grade teacher. But I live in the real world.

* I think they have a word for people like that.

Here's a confession: slow drivers make me feel like a classist asshole. I haven't been particularly successful in my life yet, so I don't have a whole lot of legs to stand on, but whenever I'm stuck behind someone in a beat-up or otherwise lower-quality car, I think to myself, "Yep, this is why you're poor. Successful people are efficient [God I sound like Alexey Vayner], which means they can accomplish more tasks in the same amount of time allotted. If it takes you 25 minutes to do what it only takes me 15, I will be able to accomplish more than you per day."

What do I think when I'm stuck behind someone in a nice car? I just think they're stupid. Why did you buy an Audi A6 if you're not going to take advantage of its most distinguishing feature: the ability to go really fast? I've driven an Audi A6, and two days later I've driven in my Corolla, and let me tell you, it's the acceleration that has made all the difference.

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