Sunday, December 16, 2007

Spoilers, and the people that own them




I wish people who had spoilers on their cars knew how much I hate them. Not just the spoilers. The people. I hate them. Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look with a spoiler attached to your Dodge Dart? Can you even begin to comprehend the astronomic levels of ridiculousness to which you are currently aspiring? Can that thing even get to 70 mph? Apparently not, because half the people I see with spoilers are driving them 10 miles under the speed limit. There should be a law requiring people with spoilers to drive above a certain speed. Just make sure you don't leave the ground. Oh wait, you've got a spoiler, so you're covered there.

Why do I hate spoilers so much? It's just a ridiculous notion. You have a mediocre car. Deal with it. Sexing it up isn't going to change the fact that you paid under $20,000 for it, and we all know it. It'd be like putting winged sandals on a turtle. I don't care how aerodynamic the sandals look. It's a fucking turtle. It's slow as shit. The only way it gets any speed is if it's being pushed down an icy ski jump.

3 Comments:

Blogger Swami Says said...

I have a spoiler on my car. I bought it slightly used for just under $20,000. And it's fast as shit. Faster than a Porsche Boxter, almost any BMW that isn't an M-Series and most other "fast" luxury cars (excluding of course the ridiculously expensive ones...)

1:32 AM  
Blogger Law Revue said...

I'll be perfectly honest: I don't believe you. I can believe you DRIVE it faster than those other cars...

9:25 PM  
Blogger Swami Says said...

No need for you to believe me, it's just a fact. Not that I'm grouping my car with other cars under 20 grand. But I drive a Subaru WRX which is a rally car. It has a 241 horsepower turbo charged engine which makes it faster than the aforementioned cars off the line, though perhaps not at top speed.

My point is that I agree with you. But, there are exceptions to the rule such as my car. I wrote a blog a very long time ago about this Oldsmobile Intrigue I saw with a spoiler and it gave me the same feeling it gave you.

And though I'm not in danger of going so fast I fly off the road, my spoiler and hood scoop are both performance enhancing aspects to my car which do make it go faster.

3:30 PM  

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