Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Let's do the voice over

One of the careers mentioned in 101 Things You can Do With a Law Degree is "Voiceover Work." I don't have the voice for it, but I think that'd be a cool job. Everybody loves the Voiceover Guy. Particularly the guy who does the previews for action movies. Don something. That guy can take the crappiest writing and make it sound veritably Shakespearean. "In a world where greed has become king, one man will make a last stand...for justice. Based on the acclaimed novel by Jonathan Safran Foer...Brad Pitt...and Vince Vaughn as the voice of Sammy Davis, Jr, Jr...This summer, Illuminated." * And then there would be an explosion to demonstrate the full extent to which things were being illuminated.

* And don't miss the smash sequel: Everything is Illuminated 2: Illuminate This.

But if I had to be a voiceover guy, I wouldn't want to do action movies. It's too easy. I'd want to be the guy who does voiceovers for romantic comedies. And you already know the ones I'm talking about: the romantic comedies that look incredibly lame and the dude knows it, but his job is to make it sound like the premise is just adorably quirky. Reese Witherspoon is a ghost. Hugh Jackman is an 18th century nobleman transported into modern New York. "Michael Maddox was just a regular guy who couldn't get a date. Until one day, he met the girl of his dreams. The only problem is...she's a werewolf. Now things are going to the dogs, and getting a whole lot...hairier. Don't miss the romantic comedy of the season everybody will be sure to be talking about: Werewolves of Lovin'."** And then of course Warren Zevon plays over the title...or better yet, a Hillary Duff version. Yeah, you'll definitely want to grab your girl and check that out.

** Tagline: Who's afraid of the big-boobed wolf?

If I couldn't do that, then I'd want to be the guy who does the dramatic voiceover previews for WB shows...which, let's be serious, are equally crappy as my smash comedy hit, Werewolves of Lovin'. "Next week, on an all-new 7th Heaven, disaster strikes the Camden family. 'I saw Lucy out after her curfew, and she was kissing a boy!" My god! Kissing? A boy! How did it come to this!?! Seriously, what was wrong with that family? They got really upset when their children had any sexual experiences when they were 17, yet had no problem with them all getting married and pregnant by the time they were 20. Not exactly the best paragon for strong family values.


Blogger Swami Says said...

You know they already made Everything Is Illuminated. It sucked. If you've read the book, don't go see the movie.

4:07 PM  
Blogger Law Revue said...

I think you'll agree it would have been better if Vince Vaughn had been the voice of Sammy Davis, Jr, Jr.

11:02 AM  
Blogger Swami Says said...

I think we can agree on that. I also think we can agree that if Vince Vaughn did the voice of said dog, the movie would be titled, "Look Who's Talking Still" or "Look Who's Talking: Episode IV"

12:34 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home