Notes from the Workplace: Except on SpongeBob Holidays
We need to have a serious conversation for a minute about what is, and is not, appropriate for the workplace. And I'm not even talking about boots anymore. I'm talking about interior decorating. There's a guy in my office who - rather than filling his designated space with important, work-related documents - has instead elected to dedicate an entire bookshelf to various SpongeBob-based memorabilia. Not just one or two pieces, which by itself would be questionable. But an entire shelf. Dedicated. To SpongeBob. Memorabilia. Not the most confidence-inspiring sight to see in a White House employee.
Hi, there! Would you like me to represent your important legal case?
Another guy has dedicated an entire bookshelf to empty Coke cans. Is he a blossoming trash artist? Or just The World's Laziest Recycler? You decide!
But these aren't my favorites. Oh, how they are not my favorites. No, my favorite is a woman who has placed on her desk a plaque that reads "Well-behaved women don't have any fun." Read that again. "Well-behaved women don't have any fun." Really? They don't? Are you sure? Because if you're sure, you might just be declaring to everyone you work with - including, by the way, your boss - that you're basically a slut.
I like this one because, in an era where I'm supposed to keep my Facebook account under lock-and-key and can't blog in my own name for fear my employer discovers that - much like some uppity woman* - I might actually have opinions, this woman can express pride that she finds certain social conventions ( like, say, not passing out in your own vomit, or wearing underwear?) too constraining. They hamper her good time.
*“But his niece—”
“You heard him. Sensible. Intelligent. His niece is probably one of those dreadful modern girls who have opinions and think women should go to Oxford…A most unpleasant sort of girl.”
What do you think, Josh Lyman?
"I'm a fan. I'm a sports fan, I'm a music fan, and I'm a Star Trek fan, all of them.
But here's what I don't do. Tell me if any of this sounds familiar: "Let's list our ten favorite episodes. Let's list our least favorite episodes. Let's list our favorite galaxies. Let's make a chart to see how often our favorite galaxies appear in our favorite episodes. What Romulan would you most like to see coupled with a Cardassian and why? Let's spend a weekend talking about Romulans falling in love with Cardassians and then let's do it again." That's not being a fan. That's having a fetish. And I don't have a problem with that, except you can't bring your hobbies in to work, okay?"