Thursday, March 27, 2008

Stuff Black People Like #11: "You Just Can't Understand"

Let’s do another one of these.

Much like evolution and global warming, it’s a well-known, scientific fact that being black is an entirely unique experience. After years of research scientists have determined that nothing in a non-black person’s life will make them able to relate, sympathize, empathize, or analogize to life as a contemporary black person on any level. It is simply a scientific impossibility. This should therefore never be attempted.

Fortunately this principle is taught early to black children and so they will be both able and willing to frequently remind you of it should you forget and make the mistake of expressing an opinion on black society. They will gently explain to you, “You just can’t understand what it’s like to be black.”

You may think to yourself, “I also can’t understand what it’s like to be Hitler, or a terrorist, or a pedophile, or a member of the KKK, but I have no problem expressing opinions on those issues.” You may even think, “Well, you can’t understand what it’s like to be white/Asian/Hispanic/Native American/etc!” This is perfectly natural. However, it also means you will have forgotten the above-mentioned conclusions of the scientific community.

While it may be true that black people do not know what it is like to be white or a Native American, experts agree that these experiences are simply not unique enough to prevent black people from effectively imaging what such a lifestyle might be like, and therefore does not serve as an obstacle in judging them. This is not the case with the black experience.

When engaging in a racial discussion with a black person, therefore, it is best to immediately defer to their unique status that gives them an unparalleled perspective on race issues. If the black person is forced to remind you that you are simply unable to comprehend the black experience, this probably means you have just said something very foolish that reflects your limited, non-black view of life. You should then admit to your mistake and try to explain that you are not racist because you watch Chappelle Show.

Remember: If it’s black, hold it back. If it’s anything else, judge for yourself.

While you may be tempted, do not attempt this:


Anonymous jenny said...

If you understood what it was like to be black, you wouldn't have written this.

11:45 AM  

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