Friday, April 25, 2008

Change: The Great Leveler

I don't like change. No, not that kind of change. Not Barack Obama change. Change. Pennies, quarters, nickels, dimes. Change is like lawyers: it exists so other change can exist. Change exists so I can horde it for ten years until I finally muster the willpower to take it all down to the bank and get back the $5 that constitutes 20 pounds of zinc's aggregate worth. Most parking meters and vending machines don't even take anything less than a quarter anymore, probably because they're prejudiced and/or hate freedom. How can money be so worthless?

Here's a riddle: What is the most ubiquitous man-made object in America that does not
interact with any mechanism or machine? The penny? The penny!

But I have found a use for all my spare change. Apparently the floor in my new apartment is slightly unlevel, and one of my bookshelves was leaning too far forward. Slip a couple pennies underneath, and problem solved. Change is the great leveler. Not metaphorically. Literally. Abraham Lincoln held together the nation, and now his likeness holds up my bookshelf.

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