Commie Hippie Establishment
Because I don't ride a motorcycle or drive a souped-up truck, it's hard for people to know just how tiny my penis is. Luckily for all of you, my mother is doing her part. Years ago she bought me a re-usable Whole Foods grocery bag that I'm supposed to take with me to the store, so I can save a paper bag. I like it. It's my way of saying to the world, "Hey, world! Look at me! I care THIS MUCH about the environment! Can you just imagine how tiny my penis must be?"
When I was at Whole Foods over the weekend the guy ringing me up said, "Your total comes to [$xx.xx]. Oh, cool, you have your own bag. Then your total comes to [less than $xx.xx]." Hold on a second. You were gonna charge me for a paper bag? Did you know: At most stores you get the bags for free. You can even get those plastic ones that are perfect for choking other people's children. What kind of commie hippie establishment is that place?