Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Crouching Moose, Hidden Palin (or Abandon Ship!)

For weeks I've warned my friends not to underestimate the power of the Palin vice-presidency pick. I've always suspected there was some hidden genius there the media didn't initially see. She's reenergized the base. The comparisons of experience between her and Barack are weakening him; the top of one ticket should not be equated with the bottom of another. She's diverted focus from McCain. But here's the real genius:

Sarah Palin has saved George Bush's legacy.

Sarah Palin has done what I don't think even the death of Osama bin Laden could do. I never thought the day would come, but she makes me think, "I'd rather have four more years of a Bush presidency than even two years of a Palin one." Palin is the Republicans' way of saying, "You thought Bush was bad? Let's see if we can do any worse." And the hungry masses cried out, "Yes, we can!"

Seriously, you guys. I was half-joking before. But now I'm not. If John McCain becomes president, I am seriously moving to another country. A McCain presidency would establish once and for all that Bob Herbert was right in Saturday's times, and this nation truly is dominated by dimwits. It saddens me to reach this realization, but I suppose it is far better to grasp things as they really are than to persist in delusion.

America is sort of like the Titanic. Yeah it's a beautiful ship, but the motherfucker is so clearly slowly yet certainly sinking. And if we don't all of us get off soon enough, she may suck us down with her. I'm gettin' outta here and, if you're smart, you'll take my hand like you want to live.

Or she's like the girl you used to love, who has been transformed by the douches she's dated into something quite different: something average and purely ordinary. These assholes have run my country into the ground.

The comedy isn't funny any more. It's like a Ricky Gervais comedy, that starts off funny until the patheticism starts to become real. Take this:

At first I thought he misheard the question. It was like someone asked him how he would make America stronger and Old Man McCain quipped, "I like pecan pie!" But it turns out this is the best his campaign can spin for Palin's foreign policy credentials.

"Energy?" Really? WTF?

Make no mistake: energy is an important aspect of national security. But it's not national security. It's got its own freakin' department, and the Sec of Energy doesn't sit on the NSC.

This would be like the governor of Pennsylvania claiming he should be Chairman of the Joint Chiefs because steel is essential to the war effort. The Supreme Court says: Not so much. Girl lives in a state that's got a lot of oil? Well, shit! Someone get her the fucking nuclear launch codes, stat!

They forget: we all know how to pad a resume.


Blogger Blue Sky said...

I love the Churchill quote in that article.

Are you really going to trade 50 glorious stars for one big red maple leaf? Baseball for curling? The ability to speak-in-a-slurred-fashion-with-no-consideration-of-grammar-and-call-it-a-southern-accent for French? You can't let a few (ok, 200 million) bad eggs spoil the soup. Have faith. I hope Joe American is brighter than the polls show.

8:03 PM  
Blogger Law Revue said...

Maybe I'll trade it for universal health care?

8:33 PM  

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