Thursday, September 04, 2008

Hockey Moms: What A Bunch Of Dogs

Watching the RNC is making my mother depressed. Like, despondent-about-the-future-of-America depressed. I don't think I'm going to let her watch tonight, since it just seems to upset her.

For myself, I try to see it as theater. As comedy, or a farce. I'll grant it becomes difficult when you realize this vitriol and stupidity could have an impact on American politics, but until I know for sure that people are seriously listening to Rudy (how can one man alternate so rapidly between beady-eyed and bug-eyed?) or seriously enthralled by Cindy McCain (who's like a bobblehead perpetually stuck in slow-motion) I'm not going to put the cart before the horse.

My mother got particularly upset by Sarah Palin. So much for energizing women. Anyone can make a sarcastic speech in a room that completely agrees with them; it's how you play in the real world that matters. Sarah was playing to the choir--now the question is, how big a choir is it?

Here are some things I've come to dislike about Sarah Palin's rhetoric and the rhetoric surrounding her:

1. Just your average hockey mom... I don't want an "average hockey mom" to be vice-president. At the least, I would want an ABOVE-average hockey mom. Didn't we just have an average guy as President?

DOUG: "Its challenges" make it sound like you're overwhelmed by the job and this is exactly the wrong time for that.
SAM: No. It's exactly the right time to raise the stakes of the election.
DOUG: Why?
TOBY: Cause if it's all day at the beach, any bozo with a handshake can do it.

2. The only vice-president who can field-dress a moose... This may be an impressive skill-set. I don't know. I've never field-dressed a moose. But it's not a skill-set that I look for in a vice-president, if only because I can't imagine it would come up very often. Maybe if she had studied the constitution...or been to a foreign country before 2006...

3. What's the difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom? Lipstick. Seriously, I am blown away by this one. Sarah Palin just said hockey moms look like pit bulls. Excuse me? That's incredibly rude! Remove the context and put those words in the mouth of a late-night comedian. "Hey, Kev...So what's the difference between pit bulls and hockey moms? Lipstick!" Let's try it this way: "Hey, Kev...what's the difference between a pit bull and Chelsea Clinton? Lipstick!" Think it's charming now? I can already see the bumper stickers: "Sarah Palin Says...Hockey Moms: What A Bunch Of Dogs."

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