Sunday, December 21, 2008

A Phone Conversatoin With My Mother

[As my father hands her the phone] "So, wait, how do I end the call when we're done? I just press End Cal--"


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Story So Far

Oh. Hello. I didn't see you there. How was your weekend? Mine was good. I did some stuff for work, taught myself to play squash left-handed. Oh, and some stuff happened with CM, too. The good news: it's official; she's breaking up with her fiance. O'Doyle rules!

The bad news? She's break up with her fiance, of course! That's a lot of chaos in a person's life, and we've decided to table anything until she feels like she's gotten that part of her life resolved. We didn't discuss it much further than that, but I suspect we'll have to insert a cooling-off period as well. Still, I feel like things are going quite well for me right now. One of you loyal readers sent me an email yesterday suggesting I was in a pickle here, but the truth is this has been about the easiest thing I've ever done. Things are just falling into place. I've never been with someone who made me feel so good about myself for just being myself.

That's the real problem. My gut tells me that things are going great, but my head doesn't trust this. It's too easy, too simple. My head thinks something's afoot. God is setting a trap, and C.M.'s the bait! God wouldn't just LET me be happy after 27 years of working so hard to prevent it.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A Picture is Worth 1,000 Whiny Blog Posts

CM doesn't have a facebook page, but here's a picture of her I was able to find. She's the one in the middle?

Awkward Cute Mentee Moment #15

I honestly did not intend to number these so sequentially. Things have not proceeded as I had foreseen.

Today is CM's birthday. Of course I got her a gift! Her favorite quote from The Office is "Bears beats Battlestar Galactica," so I got her:

1. A plush Christmas bear.
2. A beet.
3. A picture of the Battlestar Galactica I downloaded off the Internet.

Now she's been spending the rest of the day emailing me possible recipes we can use for the beet. So far we've discovered recipes for both beet wine and beet ice cream.

By the way, I appreciate the advice, but I think the gainfully-employed Mikhail is getting closest to the mark: I don't think she's engaged anymore. She hasn't worn her ring in a week. She's working on her house by herself. How is she spending her birthday this weekend? We're going to see a movie. C-block successfully deployed. We think.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Awkward Cute Mentee Moment #14

Here's another email C.M. just sent me:

"Then I command Origami Yoda:


Saturday, December 06, 2008

Awkward Cute Mentee Moment #13

Yesterday: No ring. I checked both hands this time, just to be sure. Do you ever take them into the shop for some reason?

Friday, December 05, 2008

Awkward Cute Mentee Moment #12

Here's an email I just got from C.M.:

"That said, what kind of world would it be if you could just ask a woman what she is thinking?"

I am so attracted to her right now.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

The Cute Mentee Cumeth Cometh

A couple of people have asked me what ever became of the Cute Mentee. I'll tell you. She's engaged. I figured she would be. I figured my father was right - the good ones are mostly taken, and she's a little too good not to be taken. At first I prided myself on surreptitiously checking her hand to see if she had a ring. But I was looking at her right hand. Apparently the engagement ring should go on the left? Who knew? Certainly not me.

Nevertheless, things are getting a little weird between us. Here are some examples:

1. She's been spending the past few weeks slowly decorating my desk for Christmas. No, that is not part of her job description. I don't mind it, but it seems a little weird. Someone even asked me, "Why is [Cute Mentee] decorating your desk?" To which I quipped, "I think the real question is, why aren't MORE people decorating my desk?" Awkwardness averted.

2. I talk to her for at least a half-hour every day, and she hasn't once mentioned her fiance. I feel like she's excessively avoiding the topic. In the company newsletter she said she and her fiance were looking to buy a house, and when I asked in what neighborhood, and I quote, "you guys" ended up buying it, she responded "I bought it off 7th street. I'm redoing the kitchen." It was like the polar opposite of the royal We.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

A List

A running list of Things That Should Not Be Allowed On Airplanes:

1. Firearms (obviously)
2. Yelling children.
3. Farters.
4. Fat people.
5. Roller suitcases that cannot fit vertically in the overhead bin.